A small reflection after a phone call with a special friend

Just had a phone call session with my friend Randall after so long and it is really good to hear that you are doing well in your business and to hear your more mature thinkings now. You have really grown up quite a bit since the last time I talked to you and thank you for sharing me about what it is like to be in your kind of corporate world. 

I am thankful that it is your turn to teach and attempt to help me to get some social connections that is essential for any businessman, but I think you also kind of reminded me of what I really want in life. Maybe I am not as ambitious as you are, or it is just me being a woman. My aim in life is still to be able to sit in a tranquil place, by the sea, just like the image, with people who are meant to be in my life without much worries. 

I don't aim for my business to go global, or for it to be well-known. All I want in my business is for it to be a place where I can fall and grow up in with no worries. Some thing that makes my life more meaningful and solid. Unlike corporate business, it makes my life richer, but I know it is never for the soul. Especially when we start to grow, and people become more materialistic, and money becomes a greater interest than any relationship, the time invested in making people happy and befriending them will just vanish once there is a conflict in interest. And maybe, the thought of it just make me feels empty. 

So, I am very thankful for your time to share and attempts to bridge some stuff for me. But I guess I will be happier to be the one small person at the corner watching you succeed and clap for you than to be on the same stage as you and receiving claps from other people. I am sure you will be very successful in your world and I am proud to have a friend like you. I will definitely be the one friend you can fall back on if the time ever come. But the condition is, if one day I decide to go into the corporate world, you better be there waiting and being available for me too.  xD

Forget my key day~

EH WTF! WHERE IS MY KEY!?! 

Pretty much sum up my day with this person from the LINE chat. 

First thing first, was because I saw Sharm the moment I reached the center. Sigh. So first was already like, "WTF SHE IS STILL HERE?!" Well, the day hasn't been good as always with her present in class as I expected. Nothing new anyway. 

Then it was cup noodle on the way home. Just had a sudden craving for it over my standard pork floss/spicy pork floss bread from BreadTalk. Walking while eating is indeed bad, had a small gastric pain after that. But since its once in a while, shall not be too hard on myself over it. 

Of course, stunning news for myself was that I forgot to bring my keys out and so I sat outside the house for quite a while and thankful enough, my mum end work early today. Phew. Wasn't that much of a bad day after all I guess. 

P.S. The LINE character teeth is orange because my sis did the colouring. LOL. 

Far away from it all

'Sometimes I just want to get far away from it all.' 

Did this drawing when I was too bored at my PECS training at Grand Hyatt hotel today. 

LOL. Two days of weekend burn. I really wish I can get away with all of this internship rubbish man.

Bad bad day..

Today is a bad, bad day. Really bad. 

It all started with having the principle in class early in the morning and getting pointed around and scolded over things that isn't really my fault. Well, its normal, but what is worse is that there were seven children in class. I mean like seven, really, the class is so crowded I hardly have space to move. What is worse is my precious lead teacher is not here, 

and with her shitty planning, we had to pick up her shit and I had to end up taking four children on my own. And two out of four children is new, really. 

Such a tiring morning, but I made my new favourite child laugh so much that I know Sharm will never be able to. So at least, I know my bad day was exchanged for a child's good day. 

With all the blames received, picking up other people shit and nonsense, the afternoon was no where better. 

First news received was that my poor Evan is sick. Oh manz, he was yawning all the way and doing his task with eyes half closed. Poor child of mine. Then came language time, which is my bad luck again, Of all time for the principle to come in, she came in at the time where I expect myself to have issue carrying out the activity cause it was meant to be for 1 to 1 but not enough teacher. 

Sigh, so she helped me out lo. 

Then comes snack time. I had to force food into Evan mouth today cause he was really resisting it too much and I know I can't just let it go because he will take advantage of it. 

So heart pain upon doing that, and I was judged by the other teachers that I am as mean as Sharm when Lesley is not around. 

Sigh.. Worst news to end the day, she is going to be the lead teacher soon. Haizz. 

Why god WHYYY... 

Interim presentation finished~

Interim just finished, just finished, interim just finished~ 

Now its time to pray hard for evaluation. 

Finally, ended interim presentation today, and that means no more formal attire until the start of the year for final presentation yippee! 

Did pretty well for the evaluation today. Haha, the lecturers were surprised that I really can talk without singlish and one of them failed to recognise me because I actually bothered to dress formal for the first time. Thanks my pretty phoebe for the blazer yesterday and making all the professional evaluation on the blazer I should choose. Not forgetting Keith who went round and round to get the skirt and shirt with me. 

Having such a back ache since yesterday. Can't remember what sparked it anyway, 

But seems to be getting worse. Oh god. 

Best news for today is that my lead teacher is sick and won't be here tomorrow. 

So it's just me and the useless assistant teacher lo. Must constantly remind myself to stop caring too much over hopeless people and I am just an intern. 

As long as Evan don't get one more scratch I am fine la hahaha. 

When a chapter ends, a new chapter will start

As usual, a bad start for a new start. 

Went out early but got into a jam. Like seriously, 4 bus stops away to reach destination and I got into a jam like really. So got to internship on time than to be early. But never stop getting shits in my life so I just learn to chill it off anyway. 

And of course, not forgetting to mention the useless co-teacher who did stupid stuff as she does every day and she scratch my Evan hand lo. Stupid bitch sial really. DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE NAILS TO EVEN CUT EVAN. But she don't think she is the cause anyway. Aiya, if people learn to reflect the world would have been a a better place long ago la. 

Finally took my contact lens after soo soo long and just treat myself to some pasta. Presentation seems to be quite well prepared and done up. And yay, thanks to my pheebs I got blazer today without having to go Bishan at 7am tomorrow lo. 

Should start loving myself more again and then slowly start loving everyone else like I used to. 

Time to plan what I want for myself and get my life back to path again.

Some things about me might have changed, some things can never be undone, some mistakes that will need you to keep paying for the price slowly for the rest of your life. Regardless who caused it, or who is part of it, we will all forget over time. Its still left with you and your life to rectify, improve and pay it on your own. 

Throwback to 10 months back where I still look young and innocent. A girl who was ambitious, critical and confident. A little over confident maybe. But at least, a girl who is ever shining and a girl who never fail to be special in a manly and mature way. I promise friends, I will get it back in no time. I promise. 

Why did i even bother?

Why did I bother to be bothered over things that I should not bothered and promised myself to not get bothered over every time. End of the day, what will you get? 

Nothing is appreciated because you don't bother listing and pointing out everything you have done. 

Whatever behind the scenes you have done to make things come to today is because the other party gave in and not because you done enough to exchange that.

It's so stupid anyway, teaching people how important family is, why didn't I invest my time into my children, into business, into socialising to give my family the life they use to have. 

"You gave your 100 and yet nothing came back, then you should rethink where you are putting the 100 to." Ahhh enlightenment for myself. 

Till now, he still don't get what he had said wrong and what exactly he have done is hurtful. 

Maybe some people will never know, they are just not meant to know. 

Just like how I am not meant to be bothered over certain stuff. 

Sorry bitch, being a kpo and wanting to help other people don't always give you the same outcome. 

Similarly, bitch please learn that not all parents will thank you for helping their son, 

because maybe it doesn't even seem to be enough help after all. 

Weeks after internship

Been several weeks since I have been posted to EIC for my final year internship. 

Have been pretty good for these weeks as I really have a super patient and tolerant lead teacher. Despite the fact that undeniably, the co-teacher is really bullshit and yet can put up a good show in front of the principle. Oh wells, seems like it is a skill that I need then. 

Been conducting classes since three weeks back and the children are generally unentertained in my lesson as expected of course. But at least, my most precious child in the afternoon is giving me more and more eye contact nowadays. I just love him so much and I hope he starts loving me too hehe. 

Principle hasn't been nice recently. Well, she has never really been nice anyway.

But I guess I just need to find the sense she has and just link myself to it then. 

6 more weeks to go in the EIC, doubt I will continue staying there any more after the internship. 

But maybe staying in early intervention track might still be a choice in my list? 

Well, hope my business goes on track so I have time to be a teacher then. 

When I Was Young

I remember when I was young, I hate business man. I hate business. I hate money. 

I thought they were the most horrible things on earth,
Where all the smiles, formalities and praises are fake. 

It's a breeding ground for greed in human.

And a killer to humanities. 

As I grow up, I got involved in this society. 

Money seems to get important. I need it for my meals.

Soon I needed it to fulfil my desires, which was set by what we call 'trends'. 

Then I grow up to realise, 

Money determines your status. It determines your popularity, It determines your friends, 

It changes your perception to how the world is, and it even starts to shape your life. 

Soon, I needed to live in this society on my own. I took up business, 

Something that used to be evil in my eyes. 

But this something evil can generate what I needed to survive 

In the fastest way. 

I realised I seem to be good at it. Logical mind, sales ideas, management skills.

I almost had it all. 

Money seems to be flowing in and I started expanding. Everything was good. 

I cannot even really remember why I hated business so much to begin with. 

I learnt.

We all conform to social norms one day.

We have to. 

It's the rule of survival. 

Three years down the road,

I decided to close down all existing business and start up with something new. 

I just started a social enterprise. I wanted to make business meaningful, 

Something that is beyond just greed. 

I want to put humanities into my business. 

I want to be the change,

the one small change in society, 

and the one small change in someone's life whenever possible. 

Despite having to conform to social norm,

I still believe that we can still make some changes,

that is socially acceptable 

to make our life a more meaningful one. 

And I will never stop trying, 

to be the changing agent in life and bring new ideas to people who really understands it. 

Belated birthday gift

Got this container of biscuit from my one and only kor for my birthday.

I'm really thankful to have him in my life and getting to know him from playing game is really a blessing. Without him, I don't even think my business is going to run as smoothly

and I can totally imagine myself being 4x lazier than how I am now. 

So glad that he finally gotten himself a seemingly really good girlfriend. 

Hopefully, he don't get two timed again for being nice.

Wishing him all the best and also hoping that I can have him in the business for many more years to come! 

Loads of happiness, Tons of stress, Zero confidence

Starting off this blog post on a happy note, 

YAY I got into a rather prestige early intervention centre that is so super near my house. Thanks to people who were all encouraging me to attend the interview and of course really thankful for the centre principle to be willing to give me a chance despite the fact that I listed down my weakness during interview. Never knew that my cheerful character was the thing that got me this job anyway. 

First day of internship is arriving. Despite all the happiness in being posted to such an awesome centre, this deal comes with a whole lot of stress for me. 

Two and a half year in this course has never been easy for me, and I did not excel in it in any way no matter what. Having another new assistant teacher who is 8 years older than me with two years experience, degree in banking and finance is not helping with the stress at all. 

But I know, no one is born to be good in everything,

we all learn through time and failures. 

And so, I'm ready for mine. To grow and learn over this three months by allowing myself to make necessary mistakes and just keep my heads up and go through the three months. 

I believe at the very end, I may not be the best in this field, 

but at least, 

I will definitely be better than I am now. 

All the best to myself!!

 A 2.6 GPA person has nothing to lose anyway. 

男人，女人

很多事，如果你是女人，你才能真正的体会。

有些痛，也只有女人才会明白。

例如: 生孩子的痛。怀胎十个月的痛。生完孩子的痛。这些痛，与复杂的心情是男人所不能理解的。毕竟，抱着这些痛，24小时照常过日子的，仍然是女人。

而女人也在日常生活中，因为想太多，想太远而头痛。男人永远不明白女人所有的顾虑，因为女人青春宝贵，男人的价值只会随着岁月的流失而增值。所以，女人不得不每天为自己的未来和日子担心，打算。也不知不觉的把每一件小事看成了得到美好未来的绊脚石，希望能把这些石头解决掉。给自己一个稳稳的未来。

而男人也一样无奈。天生比女人天真，贪玩的性格，随着时间的流逝，也被迫学着长大。有苦难言，逼近遇到问题也不能像女人一样怨天尤人，或大哭大闹。凡事，也只能往肚子里吞。但仍然要隐藏自己内心那单纯贪玩的小孩，表现得稳重大方。

所以，女人该找个思想够诚熟，能体恤你所经历的痛的男人。而男人，也该找个能让你卸下面具，放声大哭，偶尔做回小孩的女人。可能，男人和女人，就要这些，就足够了吧。

Just me and me ranting

 

Credits: KEITH LEE ZIXI

Yupp, so this is me and the forever bitchy me.

So of course, having a blog means having a place for me to rant and so this is it~ 

If seeing me rant and complain bothers you, 

Well, then too bad. 

You just lost an opportunity to know me better and 

YOU'RE WELCOME TO LEAVE. 

mehh.